Friday, October 27, 2006

To the Critical Asses who interrupted my commute today:

My shuttle home today was halted, idling in traffic and burning fuel needlessly, for over 20 minutes today because of you self-righteous assholes. Congratulations, fucktards, you just made an enemy!

Streets are mixed-use facilities. In normal conditions, cars, bikes, pedestrians, rollerbladers, Segway riders, and all kinds of other uses share the public space. Critical Mass doesn't inspire people to respect the streets; it comes across as a bovine herd out to spitefully annoy others. The moral equivalent of Critical Mass would be a bunch of car drivers parking on the sidewalk to make a point about obnoxious pedestrians. Do you think such an action would cause pedestrians to reform their behavior? What makes you think your gesture works any better?

And I love how this movement's so big in San Francisco. Because there's such powerful opposition to mass transit, renewable and alternative fuel sources, and liberal do-goodery in general here. That point really needs to be made in the most confrontational way in this district, doesn't it. Why don't you take your shit to Los Angeles, or better yet to Bumfuck, Utah or someplace where everybody drives all the time and votes Republican? Oh, that's right --- your stunt only works here because San Francisco is already really dense, and therefore energy-efficient.

So, I got off the shuttle and actually laid myself down in the path of the bicyclists at Larkin and Golden Gate... for about thirty seconds, before I concluded that nobody else was going to join me, and therefore my gesture was futile. Resigned to this folly, I stood up and walked home.

Although, now that I think about it, maybe I should have stayed lying on the street longer. The moral status of a pedestrian one-ups that of a bicyclist, and if I stayed long enough then maybe other people would have gotten out of their cars and laid down too.

Maybe. Next year.

I suspect this post will make me some enemies. Well, it's been a while since I wrote something flat-out obnoxious. Back to form once again.


  1. Is it just me, or have you been lying around a lot lately?

  2. If by "lying around" you mean "sitting on the couch blogging after I work my ass off all day", then it's not just you.