Sunday, May 30, 2004

Emerge Card Services employees must die, screaming in pain

Every day or two, for the past month at least, I have been getting unsolicited telemarketing calls from a company called "Emerge Card Services". Most telemarketers, once they realize you're not going to pick up the phone, give up. Not these motherfuckers. They just call and call and call and call, each time insinuating that they've got some intriguing offer for Emerge card members. This, in spite of the fact that I have changed my answering machine message to say the following:

Hello, you have reached (my land line number). Please place this number on your permanent do-not-call list, as you are required to do by Federal law. This includes if you work for Emerge Card Services, as there is no Emerge card member at this residence. Thank you.

I'm pretty sure that this language requires them to stop calling me, or else go to jail and/or pay large fines. I think they persist in calling because they actually don't listen to answering machine messages, only human beings; and because they believe that some unfortunate rube who is an Emerge card member lives at this address. But the amount of effort required on my part to actually make these Emerge assholes poor, and put them in prison, is so great that I'll probably never do it. At most, I'll report them to Qwest and get my phone number changed. And that's why these Emerge scumbags keep calling: because they know they can. It costs them nothing to harass people. They don't care what's right. They do it because they can.

If I could, by pressing a button on my telephone, anonymously make these people, their children, their parents, and their parents' friends die immediately, in excruciating pain, then I would. If I could, by pressing a button on my telephone, anonymously set fire to the houses of every manager at Emerge Card Services, I would do it. I would do it because I can.

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